Makin’ Out
February 7, 2010
Ryan was playing a board game tonight with Grandma, and his game piece was right next to hers. He got so excited and said, “My game piece is making out with your game piece! My game piece is making out with your game piece!”
Then, after waiting about five seconds, he said, “What does ‘making out’ mean?”
What a funny kid.
LA County Fair Ad
August 30, 2009
Debt Star
March 11, 2009
I’m not sure where this originated but somebody sent it to me today.
The Debt Star
Bailout
March 2, 2009
Fun stuff.
Misread
February 26, 2009
I misread something today. I was looking at some info on a PGP product and mentally substituted the word “brain” in place of “brand.”
“Mobile computers are quickly emerging as the industry standard for increasing user productivity. However, the portable nature of these devices increases the possibility of loss or theft. Consequent exposure of sensitive data can result in financial loss, legal ramifications, and brand damage.”
Keystone Kriminals
January 30, 2009
Two prisoners in New Zealand are facing more charges, and major embarrassment over an escape attempt gone bad.
The men were handcuffed together as they fled a courthouse, but apparently forgot that little fact as they ran to opposite sides of a light pole, with predictable results. The men slammed into each other and fell to the ground. End of escape.
“Before you were formed in the womb …”
October 17, 2008
LAWSUIT AGAINST GOD DISMISSED for failure to obtain personal service. But Ilya Somin objects: “I’m not entirely convinced that the ruling is correct. After all, if God exists, he must be omnipresent and omnipotent. Therefore, it logically follows that he can be served with court papers anywhere; after all he is present everywhere in the universe at all times. Indeed, service of process is a pointless formality when it comes to God. Since the Lord is omniscient as well as omnipotent, he surely knew about Senator Chambers’ lawsuit even before any process servers were sent out. Indeed, he must have foreseen that Chambers would file the suit long before Chambers himself knew that he would do it.”
Yeah, wasn’t there something like that in Jeremiah? “Before you were formed in the womb, I knew you would sue me. . . .”
Cajun DUI
October 14, 2008
I received this from my boss today.
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Houma, Louisiana. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine summer night), flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn, and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left.
At last, when his was the only car in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, pulled the man over, and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”
“I doubt it,” said the truly proud Coonass. “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”
The Epitome of Hyperbole
October 1, 2008
I just finished watching some standup by Brian Regan. It was called The Epitome of Hyperbole and I recorded it a couple of nights ago on Comedy Central and it was pretty funny. I like how his humor is clean as it’s something I could let my kids watch. In fact, I may just do that!
